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Archive for April, 2009

Sarcasm – I will agree is ” intellect on the offensive”
and yeah you dont just get it just like that
– you need to suffer and then get over it with the spirit .

You could see it yesterday with rahul dravid saying what he did
“Conditions like these give boys like me a chance to play”
Oh how the modest man has changed with all that he has been through and the way times
have changed with the young aggresive men.

But then I will go back to my beautiful school days to reiterate how time takes off the rose colored glasses.

Here’s the lovely poetry by Surdas – something that I loved then and now too
the difference being just the way I think

kavita

Translated loosely it says
Where would I find peace and happiness O lord
but am just like a bird on a ship would fly all around and be back to the ship.

Leaving the lotus eyed god who would pray to the other gods
Just as Leaving the great and pure Ganges only a fool would go and dig a well.

Just as any bee who once having tasted the sweet nectar of lotus would never have the bittergourd
Leaving Surdas’s great god who is like kamdhenu(provider of all wishes) who would milk a goat.

I loved the beauty of poem – it was taught with great passion by the old teacher and
I love reciting it just like just that life’s ways make me think of it with sarcasm

Why will some one who has tasted sweet nectar eat Bitter gourd – Ok dear they will if they have diabetes
Why will some one with sense dig a well leaving the Ganges – Hmm if u see the Ganges and the sins and the filth in it any one with an iota of sense will dig a well
And goats milk does have its uses in the health conscious and other areas where the great cow cannot survive.

It means nothing much – beyond that I ‘ve gotten over so many illusions that I now feel it was nice to have them .
As mark Twain famously says
Dont part with illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist,
but you have ceased to live
.”

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I’ve been like at my most work alcoholic phase of my life.Its not because I have more work, well its because I am taking it up.
Its not cause I hope for a hike or a promotion (cause recession / or at least the hype about it has ensured that there’s not a remote chance of it) but just because I feel better doing it.
There’s hardly anyone questioning me out here, I pretty much have my way, the team
work is relatively reduced by my own way and Im happy doing individually whatever nuisance I seem to be in.

Things are not very good all around in every sphere of life – so I seem to have taken a kind of solace in being lost in getting the stuff up and running at work.
The work is nothing very innovative(my self reflection tells me I just ain’t into innovation though every company seems to have innovation as its buzzword these days – I like success in implementation i.e seeing things work.) .So this work is more of getting things to work and well seems to give me some peace as I work all day long late at home while no one @ office bothers what I am working on.But then thats the best part of this place – flexibility.

Anyways I kept thinking so much of reading something, watching movies,and writing a post but somehow, felt better to just get lost in work.

It took some troublesome scenarios at home all over again to make me feel like writing again.
But in the end it was because I simply forced myself away from the work and tried to accept the fact that in here – in this life ,I will never have my way without hurting myself and everyone.

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”
— Mitch Albom (The Five People You Meet in Heaven)

You fight your way in the world , hope wish and finally get a small room to yourself and now people wish to move back to a little cozy all in one happy togetherness of sharing and adjustment as this causes trouble and finally something for them to worry about .
Logic has nothing to do with this its just a whim to be taken care of – save pennies spend pounds is what works in my home.You can go on non co-operation movement but then thats the whole point. You hurt yourself as much by hurting some.I’ve tried to break off in my own way as I do not fit in but fate’s never let me.
I do wish to act highbrow and say I do not believe in destiny but I can’t.
But yes all my life I’ve done one thing as is said
“I believe in destiny
I also believe that I have the right to restrict its options” – Ive surely exercised that right – at what price is debatable.

Looked simply its nothing, its just that some people like me were just wired hyper – sensitively in a very wrong manner . To handle this requires immense insensitive behavior and doing that makes you feel bad in general and so you end up being unhappy anyways.(On second thoughts there seem to enough people around me who think I look way too happy despite too many not so good things.)

At work I’ve just one teammate and as much as I am annoyed by the fake niceties of this chap I’ve tolerated him cause its WORK and because unfortunately we are in the same team and started off having lunch together with another chap and my manager since we all joined and now not want to act childish and make unnecessary enemies for no good reason.
But one fine day I just snapped back at a joke made when I was seriously checking some financial stuff and since then the chap’s started being deliberately uncommunicative .
While this would be a reason to celebrate in all normal circumstances it ends up causing immense communication issues during work, so I did what I never do, i.e keep talking as if all was just fine , as if I never noticed that you were being uncooperative.
That I need to be like this causes immense strain to me.
Then there’s my manager – poor chap acts very decent but has indirectly implied that he’s had to suffer in many quarters because he had to go and ask for clarity in work and this he did – because I really made huge noises about it.
I do feel bad about some stuff which has happened but then I believe that was due to wrong handling, but then that’s the problem with quiet people. Its tough to guess whats going on in their head.

Nevertheless I was really stuck up and all, tried reading a book and unfortunately I was a with a book which though different and good was not quite the right one for my mood – “The Autobiography of an Unknown Indian” By Nirad C Chaudhari.

So today I just re-read the speech by Steve Jobs which is something I really love apart from the Orhan Pamuk stuff I keep loving and writing about , then read some blogs and I really feel so better and I finally wrote some nonsense in here.

I will write something better may be tomorrow itself.

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