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Archive for November, 2005

Again n Again

Its funny when things repeat themselves.You start questioning yourself.Same i guess is happening to me.Last job what really blew the lid on my patience started with a leave and now i see it happening again.Well after 3 months of non stop work if you want a week a whole 5 days off it is met with a formal letter.
Please apply in the following format…blah blah.
yeah we all know the format….but what got to me what the damn line.
Reason for leave:(Please be specific)….
why must i be specific…what the heck do they have to do with what i do on my leave.
Its a leave i have not a favor.The sad part in my oraganisation is they neither encash leaves nor carry forward which will at least make some people happy if not me.
But they are sanctioned on a need basis …pray what is the need.
So you have to fall sick or have an accident basically to get a leave and they talk about positivity.
Kindly provide your landline if roaming not available on mobile ….good god i never knew normal employees could be this important. No investigating agencies keep tabs like this.
yeah we treat all our employees like family….hmm good just as parents keep tab so do we..good idea i guess.
For a project which gets work on a continual basis from a US client when will there be no emergency never …
So i guess i never get even half my leaves. Now i regret not acting really sick and taking 1 day here 1 day there leave.So whole day i am trying to cook up a reason…. a specific reason which can make me eligible whoa….
I stay at home….so no excuse for meeting up family…the advantage for hostelites.
Rest….what rest last 3 months we never asked you to work a single weekend what mercy really.and anyway that excuse means you be called up anytime.
So what do i do i feel irritated to get into such murky stuff. I certainly decide enough is enough now is the time to start hunting again …its a tedious process for someone like me but then i work to lead a better life.May be the next company too
will turn out the same but then
“umeed pe duniya tiki hai”

What i don’t understand is why do companies actually the managers try to get into and hold sway over the employees personal life.
I was remembering an interaction with my previous manager. He really was hopeless unlike the current who is confused and harassed soul.There we had double pay for overtime so am extra day meant less work more money.Still i never opted.
He said see u will get this many bucks… and all i asked was fine but when am i gonna get time to spend them?
He had that blank irritated face and said.. wellll hmmmm ah….” when you take leave”.
I could only laugh.
But then it was different…that was a job not a part of career so i really put my foot down…and also being a established org they had a better HR policy which i could use to point out stuff.
Here in this organization they are planning and replanning HR policy but moot point is……. we consider all employees family.ahem
whoever said it said it right.
“You slog eight hours so that you can slog fifteen hours in future”.

This whole issue i believe stems from the fact that indians like to say work hard..which in itself is bad…as it proves you need to work hard to get simple work done .
Also work hard also translates to work long hours …….. at least act that stuff out.
One of my colleague also was frustrated saying well i cant leave at 11 in night so i try to finish work fast and leave but my manager points out at how hard the guys work who
come in at 9 have breakfast till 10…play T.T till 11..chat at the workstation till 12…have lunch …have a smoke..have a tea…have a T.T and finally work really hard till 1 or 2 in the night.The moot point is they are available round the clock for the boss….which is what is appreciable esp now that we have become servants of the great US consumer/client.
The common joke among guys in our team is this….
One guy says ….”damn i am sick of this work”..all others tease
“hey chap you are not married…you can work a lil late”.
The culture of an organisation is definitely spoiled by these hostelites who have no other stuff to go to so they simply love to be where you have internet, AC and food and timepass company.

What else as if all this is not enough i got myself into more trouble by opting for a training against the wishes of my manager .So now i am holed up in that damn cubicle 8 to 8 and there is ever unpleasant look on my managers face.Its a training useless for the project is the reason given ….. and that makes me break my silence and a smooth relationship.I say it with a smile…..“i am not gonna be here for ever”.everyone gets their pound of flesh i guess and so its scheduled early morning …my nemesis is getting up early but i drag myself right on time…and there is a look on the face…“normal days 9.30 is too early and now u come right at 8. ok “

God i dont know what to think of myself..there are some friends who do have to stay back till late night 11 or 1 and so should i say i am cribbing for all wrong reasons…I have no qualms i am lazy actually thats why i do things fast so i can relax also unlike others who are so eager and ambitious i simply take no extra responsibilty or initiative as my manager keeps hinting perenially……I simply dont understand why people slog to get more money and position and what are they gonnna do with it anyway if they don’t have time.Thats why my blog line was/is always
“what is life if full of care
No time to stand and stare”.

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Fate : theres ever an argument about it.Some beleive in it some dont.
Some say the destiny is in our hands some say nothing is in our hands.

I once explained my view this way to my friend.
Life is like an algorithm already written by God and thats fate but where you end up in that depends on you ashe has inserted so many decision points in it.Thus you have choices in life but not infinite.In the algorithm for you he has written ‘result 1’ if you say yes and ‘result 2’ if you say no but whatever you do you cannot get ‘result 3’ as its not a option for you.

ha ha i sometimes pity my friends esp those who are subjected to such but then again they are a privileged few.With most of them i just chatter on.No discussions.

Anyway why i remembered this conversation was that last night i came to know something and could only wonder about fate.She’s a good friend and she got the job in software finally with a great pay and i am extremely happyfor her because i rememeber the days we struggled together.Life somehow was cruel in similar ways to us.
So why did i bring fate in …….. well she got into the company i quit a year ago….mine was not a s/w job as they were then not into it.So i asked myself am i feeling green about it….no i have many faults but envy is not one cause i couldnt care less about what others have …its always what i want that i am concerned.

So why was i a bit upset at heart…..i asked myself …..ok the pay issue……..50% may be because i am upset on that…..the other 50% is because of the way fate plays games……i somehow have no affection for my current job……forget motivation ….job satisfaction and all that.But then after a lot of thought i reminded myself it was just a knee jerk reaction…..after all what i loved there were my friends ….people with whom i had shared good bad and terrible times unlike here where if there is nothing terrible there isnt much good too.
yeah the compensation stuff hurts but its always secondary if i like everything else though i never admit it.i just add it to the crib list when all else sucks.

Then i asked myself what is it or rather who do i envy and i could come up with only 1 person.
Deepti bhatnagar…….damn lucky is she not?
Early morning she goes around loveliest and serene temples in lovely chiffons and kanjeevarams and at noon she’s all over europe and other continents looking fabulous in the choicest dresses.
How much fun travel is…esp if thats a job……………….. ah i really envy her.

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Why do people behave cruelly sometimes…….Why does a friend who has been on leave watch cricket and describe it while you are slogging it away….and why most of all my mom who has no sentimental value of anykind for things break my heart going on and on describing what she knows would invariably hurt me.She went to visit our old house….and she tells me tales even though i scream at her to stop.”The roses you remember …you planted ….it has grown so big…such big flowers all them six colors….even our old servant was saying …when you people were there there were not as many now so many.The yellow hibiscus flowers you know they use to drop away the lady in the house say they bloom perfectly so well now.”If someone’s into too much philosophy they’l say this is the way of the world”Some one plants the mangoes some one eats”.No wonder i hate so many ways of the world.All this happens while we stay with four flower pots where now that the rains are over hardly one blooms a month.I have a stupid and nostalgic streak but i really get upset about the fact that we moved from that house because of my moms wishes for varied and some unexplainable reasons .It was a beautiful garden i had grown there in the little space we had and esp last november december i had in just a spaceof 9ft x 1 ft grown so many varieties of flowers ….such lovely white daisises, dahlias…phlox..roses of course ….oh god.Then she rubs salt in my wounds by her happy descriptions.Now its like i hate it here and my next garden is years further what with us opting for an apartment.As if all this is not enough she brought two large momentos of roses and put them on display in the living room.Just how cruel can one get.My professional scenario is giving a hellishly irritating feeling.Came across this punchline…suited me just fine i thought


“I lied to them to get the job.They lied to me about the job.We are even.”
then i realised …. i need to edit it
“I finally was honest about myself.They are still lying……..”
That proves how things are at my job.

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It seems so long since i wrote any stuff on this blog and so many things just rolled on.Work in itself is tiring enough(oh just started browsing today and one link led to another and i found on a blog containing exactly what ran through my head when i saw the Tata Dicor ad .”I always wanted to quit on Monday morning”Absolutely loved the ad so much that while leaving on Friday evening while chatting with my manager i just say did you see that ad for Dicor….loved it.I really can be cruel.)
The whole of last month has been a lesson for me in bureaucracy.3 months after cancelling my previous postpaid they say it never was cancelled and the network is following me unwantedly everywhere.Then there’s my current postpaid issues.But the best part was when i called up their cust careboth had a common service level.
One says our backend is down…
other says our servers are not up.WoW.
Then there’s my issue with a bank who has discovered advertising suddenly and is going gung ho that it has themaximum ATM’s in India.Well i never expected much but to discover that forget ATM’s one branch manager could not discover phone number of the main branch in a different city in one whole month was news.After one month of strutting to the bank patiently requesting my manager for a few hrs leave the day i lost patience and expressed my displeasure im clearly told my place.
It is your mistake maam to lose the draft ………not ours..so wait till we find out if it can be cancelled……hmmm…….true…very true.Actually very true….i should never have bothered…went to the my only near to reliable source GOOGLE and in 20 minutes flat found the phone number and i can now continue my ordeal once weekend is over.
As if all these thing dont make you feel dead hopeless in life my mom coaxes me into taking a loan and now i have to discover all the stuff about form16’s and floating and fixed.
Then i got a refresher course of my organisational political set up at office.More on that in later posts.Damn life i feel but then i had my silver linings.

There was such wonderful cricket and then i met up a few friends some very dear ones after it never seemed to happen and felt quite happy about it.Thats why i love so many festivals…birthdays…newyears..Perfect excuses to call or chat up friends as in general you feel sometimes so strange with no words to say as much as you want to say stuff.I bought a few more of those stones that are a girls best friend no matter what.They sure brought some sunshine in this extended rainy season.
Yeah i beleive in retail therapy now after all these years of resisting my sister trying toconvince me of it.I observed and discussed its wonderful effects on myself and in friends lives.

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