Archive for August, 2005


Across the spiked wall lay the world of wild freedom,
but beyond my reach was this heavenly garden
amidst the fragrant blossoms i wished a solitary abode
but brazen was i to beleive such life was to be mine
among the shattered reflections of broken glass
i discovered the need to be sublime
but brittle was my will
against life’s daily mill
above the starlit sky i hoped to find the light
but below the dark earth claimed me with its might
across the horizons of despair i tread
beleiving i’ll find hope but
beneath the gritty flesh
lies a soul weathered by life .
As i looked through my old stuff this weekend found
this poem i wrote sometime back and
i still could say the same.
Life goes on by sheer grit but its the
soul that suffers the grinding mill of life.



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I don’t read non fiction esp the self help and motivational books at least do not go specifically looking for it because i have a tendency ,a really bad and negative one some would say– to argue it out in the mind with the author and trash all the perfect solutionsdescribed.
yeah im a cynic to the core and so i tend to argue it out and as is quoted
“It’s hard to argue against cynics – they always sound smarter than optimists because they have so much evidence on their side”
but i always feel but im not a pessimist really(not at heart may be my mind has leaning towards pessimism) but as another quote says
“cynics are well informed optimists”.
It is hard for me to just get inspired by all the stuff in those self help books but i dont think bad of themnot these days at least because i have seen at first hand people being affected for the good by some of them.They simply dont suit me because i see things as they are ….sadly the darker side.
I did read a few(i can count them on one hand) and my reactions to them i’ll post later .let me first start off with the inspiration for this post.this relates to my first post on my blogit was something against the buzzword called team work (it can be read HERE ).So today trying to get my latest dose of fiction as i scanned through the library i found something echoing my thought a book titled Why Teams Don’t Work by Harvey Robbins and Michael Finley.
i was touched …oh a few more in that rare list who understand my strange viewso i picked it up but i could only take one book and was not willing to take the book home instead of my novel for a fortnight(non fiction is risk and titles may betray).
so i sat down happily and in 30 mins flat browsed the book over and felt very happy that someone sees through this muck and im not that weird.but whats the best part is and i agree here is that its become a necessary evil in todays worldand they do speak some stark truths.they identify the problems correctly the solutions though as ever are arguable.
They begin it wonderfully saying teamwork as in sports given as example in most inspiring booksis useless in realtime corporate world.the part where as caufield(narrator in the book catcher in the rye) wud say it killed me was this—-They tell you how useless Trust falls(To fall backwards from an elevated location blindfolded, and be caught by your team) are in building a team in real time work scenarios.
It is another of those antics used by those great inspirational thinkers—- and i went flashback immediatelyto when i joined this job — firstly we at india implement such stuff without thinking about cultural and social differences.
It so happened that our new joinees were asked to participate in this.Most girls refused to it and the hep manager(actually he was one of the few good and sensible one in the org but i guess he was as good as the management principles and insensitive to the social perspective) said come on the last time we did it all girls too did it.still many just were mum but one girl sportingly went forward and yeah the game was over in a minute.god knows what changed in making her more trusting in a team but what we all could see and hear was this.quite some team guys who were there were joking on the lines of —- yes we sure know your weight and….and so on.this is why i hate such gimmicks.

The other thing said was about the bane of this inter and intra team competitions.I remember since the time of my previous job i hated the concept and argued at lengths with my friendabout how useless and terrible this was.with their examples i simply felt vindicated.this is what is said in the book.”there is no such thing as friendly competition.especially on teams.They are fantastic for personal breakthroughs with ones own demons and attitude improvement but not for team work”.i mean my previous manager ( as i said earlier in a post he deserves a blog for his atrocious stupidity) used to say come on compete against each other to do more.it was sickening to hear the way he said it and the he called us to be a great team.
The raw truths explained are
“the truth is teams are inherently inferior to individuals in terms of efficiency esp if a single person has sufficient info for that task”.
“teams are trouble because there are more people and people are trouble”.

There was some more good identification of problems (already this post is long )All in all being a team member whos on the suffering end of all team…our team propaganda(damn i cant even gift my manager this book…it ‘ll be a straight proof of my being not a cooperative team member.) id say it will help anyone (most managers put so much effort to understand technical and thoeretical nonsense but never try to understand people) who firstly accepts that team work is evil but necessary rather than say
Team work is great and blah blah blah .

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Blinding light maimimg the nightThe darkness of the night always holds a charm somewhat a lil more appealing
than may be day for me Ive always liked the calm of the night a bit more.

thats why i guess i love that song raat hamari to….from parineeta
but i wrote this poem sometime back getting irritated by light and today i
remembered it again due to the same reason so i thought of posting it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Blinding light- Blinking and blazingthat could only be a madman’s delight.
but are we short of such lunatics
in a world deprived of their heart’s sight
where the lovely dark night is maimed at heart and soul
by a day that never ends.
razed of its beauty by every bright light
she cries out only to be sounded out
by the ones causing this plight
its scarier than any darkness
this light still we take it in our stride
lest we remember that there used to be
soulfilling moonlight in the arms of what
used to be the dark beautiful night.


weve got these airconditioned offices and are working
under the lights day or night
and i get irritated by them and its frustrating being unable to switch them off.
but even in general its so hard to see darkness
(forget the unsafe dark areas created by our city and town corporations).
if you are lucky enough to have a terrace which i had till few months ago
then also you will have the street lights blinding you.
(cant help it….they r absent where needed)
there is so much artificial lighting that its frustrating.
you just cant enjoy the soft dark night.

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“Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life”
said a someone.
that i think is certain but i always wonder about the kind of music
preferences we have and the way we listen to it and react to it.

I have no knowledge of classical music and am mostly into ghazals ,hindi film music of all times
(where im a real Connoisseur) and the general english pop(where im not really very well versed).

Since in school i loved old hindi songs and hummed them and the first memory i have is that when my dad caught me
in fifth class humming “babuji dheere chalna…..” and i was so glum.
Chitahaar was the regular discussed topic in school bus and really when the power was gone for chitrahaar it was upsetting enough to cry but those were days before cable television.now we laugh real time about it.
ive always loved radio and vividh bharathi esp simply because it gives you range of music across time unlike the repeat broadcast on other places.

Then there was mtv and it was good to listen to english songs too ……funny what mtv india has become now
we indians sure know how to indianise if we want to.
MTV 5 yrs ago played english songs with a smattering of hindi
now we have the same hindi trailers going on and on with cyrus the only respite.

but now with time constraints and a busy life the way we listen to music has changed its always in the background .
people listen while working ,driving ,cooking etc but
does some one with a normal job still get the time to sit and play some music and absorb it ,feel it i wonder.
The other thing i always feel is when im emotional i prefer the hindi music….
the english songs however good seem a bit detached…….so when im out anywhere or at office i prefer the english music
but at home i always love lata rafi kishore and jagjit singh voice is a great stress releiver since
college days(i had to buy a second piece of my arth/saath saath cassette i listened to it so much those days ).
one point i notice is generally music in our own language be it hindi or our mother tongue(if your are comfortable in it which unfortunately is not true for many people today) is more touching.
May its got to do with the lyrical melody.i always feel i have a penchant for that—- lyrics woven in melodyrather than just the beat and rhythm.the most strange thing for me is classical music is said to be relaxing but whenever i listen to any instrumental i feel restless its kind of an unexplainable feeling for me—— as though i want to weave words into it.
it does not suit me but you give a song based on classical raag and i adore it.

its not as if i do not like loud songs in fact to my own surprise i do(the worst part used to be that
govinda’s songs i hate are way too catchy) — but its always in crowds,or when i do not like to think ,
or im too happy or want to block out things from mind – i play all those loud songs with beats ,rhythm and what not.
but what about those who listen to them always….like my sis has a commom refrain whenever
i play music …is there not enough tragedy in life why play those sad songs and so she wants the
remixes, pop and fast tracks.

The other thing is there are some people who like listening to music on headphones and there
are some who like it playing around them not on a headphone.we sisters loved it when they played it nonstop
at the puja pandals where we stayed during our childhood.we still like it when some lovely melody drifts
from the window suiting our mood rather than specifically we searching and playing that song.
I do hate the stupid songs that keep barging from the neighbours house as much.
its so much nice when you are thinking of something or walking along and ur fav number is heard
and u feel something like a good omen and days when you wake up with a certain song on your lips and thewhole day you never quite get rid of it.then somehow i have my moments when i like silence not even music but quite some people like it nonstop.

but all said and done music never ceases to amaze me. suddenly i listen to a song and
the whole mood changes(the only instantaneous solution found
coz to read my other antidote takes time and effort)
when i am worried worried and feel crazy and suddenly i listen to
“rahi manwa dukh ki chinta kyun satati hai
dukh to apna saathi hai
sukh hai ek saheli jo aati hai jaati hai ” its like im releived.

I really feel bad about people who do not care for
music of any kind —- i mean any kind pop rap classical(its true i know some)
and i feel pity that they have been denied by heaven such a sublime gift.

with potter still in my mind i quote
Ah, music. A magic beyond all we do here!

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I am not much into all these days that are marketed these days but then
I am not against them also because well its nice once in a while to
indulge ourselves and others whom we are fond of
by a special line mailed/emailed ,or a gift sent or just a wish.
We may love them always but its nice to take time on a day just to
let them know how special they are.
I myself have few people i can call good friends and fewer are ones i call close friends.

“Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances
will know you in a thousand years.”
—–Richard Bach

and there are times when you take time out to call them or mail them
but life is so boring i just wonder why am i bothering them.
So on a day like this its just an excuse
to wish happiness , remember good times
thats why i do not mind
frienship day or for that matter any other day.

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave
footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”

Happy Friendship Day

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Snaped by rowling

yeah finished off sixth book- harry potter and the half blood prince as usual in one go. i resisted it way too much till this week but the moment i knew i had time to read it through at a time i did it. and it truly was good as expected ….best after azkaban.I will not review it …there’s too much all over the net about it. but honestly its the charm of the way the book is written……….els whatever marketing you do u wud not find discussion board’s and forums discussing the book.i really am wondering wondering….agitated …damn it how long …and one of my fav character killed….i expected it but still it was tragic u have to wait for the next book …… its too much(i could not wait to finish my nancy drew since it was issued in the school library — had to finish it in less than 5 hrs—–i hate waiting but i most of the time i wait for buses…for jobs…for people) but now my mind is filled with all kinda wizardology and whos the culprit thoughts Snape really is he truly the killer if the killing took place really….It seems too simple. It cant be……then i reread passages …for hints. I was like this when Voldemort had renewed himself to some form at the end of book4. Horcruxes and snape is all i can think and therein lies the magic. For once i am not remembering that its been a terrible week with sunday work…. early starts to office and feeling sooo sleepy. Its been a strangely tiring week but the book really made me feel (sad and excited) else the daily routine of life was getting to me. There’s magic anyday in books for me but this saga of magic by rowling is truly magical.

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