I crib so amazingly …….. when i look back… i mean uff how reactive i am…..the following was a doc i typed in one of those instantaneous moods of all kinds of cribbing feeling……
when i had no interenet and hence was off blogging.
There seems to be no letting up but its going on…not that i expected it otherwise but still it hurts.
Today was the vertical meeting and there was that list of promotions announced and when the PL announced and explained about me….call me negativistic i am open to it…but i could hear and feel the sarcasm dripping … i tell myself i am too hung up and make mountains out of molehills but then unlike others who by their sheer force to self delusion ignore so much i cannot ignore what i feel about and when people refer to me or speak with me i can sense them their thoughts to an extent….not very great sometimes to have such skill.
Well what do you feel when you are applauded in the manner
“ I think she is one of the most agile people around on the floor and she is one who has put in a lot of effort really to get into this job and do a very good part of it considering her previous experience “.
Now there were new people who said wow come on he praised you pretty high but then very few know what exactly he meant may be not even me…….. but then i have my reasons….Was there any need to drag my previous experience into this…well not really i feel …its just to make me feel as if i had been given an opportunity even though my past experience did not deserve one….and much more stuff based on that… …well what the fella never knows or forgets is i got in clearing every damn interview straight they had and only confessed to them at the end when i did not want to put in a fake experience , which is like pretty cool for most others in this part of the world….and yes i am uncomfortable living with such lies…..not because i am some great truth speaker but because its simply simpler and easier to live that way.
Well if you argue with such managers all you would be told is then why not showcase it……they behave as if all the while i was kinda dumb and it is here that i learnt something………and what do i have to prove otherwise ….not much…. i guess……what you know about yourself you know….you may have been good enough all along BUT
you are good when you prove useful enough……
Anyways i know some people are in general a bit of that stupid joke kind so i tell myself it was not meant that insultingly but then there are something’s you know ….you just know about people….if that was not the case as per me such words would never have come up .
I guess he even thinks thats the reason i have not left the job and would probably stay on….well he’s probably not way off the mark. Life can be cruel…actually it has always been .
I tell myself that quote success is not where you have reached but the obstacle you have overcome…but in the end it all boils down to just the same things. It been like one hell the last two months.
First the move was tiring and then you have a bunch of troubles at home and then the whole office seems kind of sick.Its like a rut.
Every possiblity I can see seems just a bleak future.
If i go abroad well then it would have to be through this project and then it would be nothing but more tiresome nonsense and work when al i want is a bit of rest.
If i dont go abroad how many more days will i go on in this project .
If i move by some miracle to another company then again how would the place accept me ….a square peg for ever this round world.
Been trying to get a net connection since oh so long almost 2 months and you get no where….
There was a point when you suddenly feel even a friend is kind of not able to enjoy your so called success …getting a visa… something i dont care for but if i say so i am asked back then why did you go..well true i went coz there’s no other way…i cant say no…i am not as successful
Even though you work the whole day you never get as tired as when you attend a marathon 2.5 hr meeting explaining the Employee Satisfaction Survey details by the Senior PL.It was a torturous meeting going on and on the same damn stuff. Words Words and more Words.
Golden words..”people say we dont get leaves i will say take leaves just make sure you have one person who would do you work” what a joke …..what a novel way of by default saying NO.
Weekend work is pain…yeah we give offs later but i guess that is not enough…finally no solution.
But neverthless if cribing about management is common then employees with their special brand of English are instant jokes.
“ Manager only cares about the client not me ”
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I amuse myself beyond anything when i read my lines……
Yammi, it is refrehing in someways to here someone else is in the same boat. Sad to hear some one else has the same obsticles in the way of possessing an overly intuitive mind.
If i understand correctly so…. I have the same problems you encounter. People are so transperent. It is that when some one thinks something i am able to tap in and interpet there mind through body laguane, epressions, prounciasion of words and sentences, there eye contact and focus and soo on… people book like reading a book, and it has both pro’s and con’s. I to agree that it’s like people are not aware that when they think something there body/ bodylaunage tells a story.
Eg. if someone chooses to form an appoin about you or something that you are doing someone or something, even if they are trying to be discrete about there thought or interest, they are oblivious to the new message they are now sending which is ” intial thought” relisation of thought” followed by”i’m thinking something and i don’t want you to know.”
Just so i know to continue or not are we on the same wave?
hold up… i completely forgot to do my spell check… crap
Thats true its more like a loacl saying , a cat closes its eyes assuming no one sees it