Of iCons

Though I never owned a Apple product have often tried them second hand , loved them and felt sad on hearing news of Steve Jobs demise. But then Facebook posts on and on forwarding his famous speeches esp his Standford one my favorite since I blogged about forwarding it got me thinking me of something quite else.

Humanity loves an icon – something to worship , to inspire , to make you believe in something wonderful and worthy about life.
Powerful inspirational preachings and words can be so wonderful at certain moments in life
but most can only be inspired for that fleeting moment ,
some can seize that inspiration and make something of themselves
and rarely if ever can anyone replicate the inspiration
cause the very inspiring words have a hidden fallacy…
Not that I do not like those quotes/speeches – I absolutely dig many of them and Steve Jobs Stanford speech is still on my list of all time favorite speeches since I first read it in 2005 but yet
I browsed through countless tributes and yet what was in mind was captured here

http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/10/why-we-mourn-steve-jobs/246238/

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life,” he urged the students.
And yet to produce Apple products requires that thousands of workers flawlessly execute Jobs’ business plans, which is to say his life.

However brilliant everything he envisioned was fact is to get him that glory and satisfaction of living his life he needed quite a bunch of people to willing be assembly line workers i.e live someone else’s life.
Its not just him , everyone who talks of be yourself , get a life – innovate think outside the box makes me want to ask them – if there is no box at all whats the whole point of it ?
Fact is not all men are equal whatever they say
Some tower over all others and thats the way of life.
But that does not mean those who are not a match to that towering figure are expendable or have a pointless existence.
They are the very lifeblood on which such towering figures subsist

Working in a industry where creativity and innovation is the buzzword I seriously wonder how any thing of worth will ever get done if no one does the implementation of ideas – the execution and some of the necessary boring work . I mean in a team of 10 having 2 or 3 misfits creatives – different thinkers is great but imagine a team of 10 bright innovative huge egotist team members with no respect for rules .
So while we should look up in awe at the gifted geniuses – be inspired to go beyond what is the norm – we should live our very own dream and not someone else’s dream . .
The important thing I guess it to have the right dream . Jobs surely developed the clarity for it

 “It was one of the first times that I started to realize that maybe Thomas Edison did a lot more to improve the world than Karl Marx and Neem Kairolie Baba put together.” – Steve Jobs

This I say because as many people do forward and  read these famous words of his literally
“Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do”
They then act and convince their craziness as genius and it may or may not be – but it might not always bode much well for the world I guess
This I thought as was randomly reminded of someone who was crazy enough – has changed the world – died this year and
well has been the worst thing for the US – Osama

Fact is Genius may be good or bad but they will always be rare and will always shine .
Their words are just odes which makes people like moths come to burn in them
not realizing that they were never meant to be the flame.
And then the cliche – flames can light up the world or burn it
Ok as usual I drift in my thoughts and posts but then that is why this blog .
Words are such playthings .

A quick jotting

Somehow was feeling this has been an immensely depressing year. There hasnt been anything good for ages in life but this year it has been like the end of hope.
I was thinking about forcing a change , taking risks and all that and this crossed my mind – Sounds stupid but well !!
To take a risk and jump off too you need a cliff
What can you do in a vast desert – beyond giving up and hoping to die
OR keep dragging yourself on hoping fate lands you at an oasis out of the blue.
But yeah its again onto fate …..What can you do in when all you have is shapeless pointless and endless sand ?
Well as I post this I thought again – May be stare at the blue sky and be delusional that there’s water – all you need is to stare up

On being moved to appreciate trivialities

Usually quotes come to mind as I write some thoughts but when I started to write this post after much laziness preventing any writing I could not much recall any that fitted the exact thoughts in my minds which triggered me to post this until I found this.

“To praise the sun is to praise your own eyes.” – Jalal ad-Din Rumi

And so you could say for anyone who can really praise anything while not directly involved with it.
While human craving for appreciation is so well known what we do not realize is how few can truly appreciate.
I do not mean the appreciation mailers really I blogged on but more like enjoying something irrelevant really enough to appreciate – not because it is a success or because everyone loves it -But really be able to be touched by something small thats well ignored in general.
May be I am confusing it with many things I think in this respect so lets go to the background that framed the thought.

Someone from our team was leaving – well to build the character first
- the chap can be exasperating in his questioning which is where we started off when he came new
- argumentative when he knows something and absolutely I care a damn about authorities.
He kind of had a reputation for being a confuser – in which I played a good part due to the way he confused me too – but more
esp as somehow his communication style made life worse for him.
But then with time I really could see the passion with which he worked on what he liked even when no one cared and I seriously appreciate that.
One of the downsides of having a policy at work where its like do what you want , how you want as long as what we want is working is no one out there differentiates between how well optimally or precisely someone got it to work.
No one appreciates the finer backend stuff .
So well time went on – we had new manager , new leads and now this guy was leaving and so he arranged a knowledge transfer of his work. There were just two of us me and a new senior lead who was now picking up most of the work writing code and he walked us through – at the end the senior chap just said to me – “he has written it so well”
Something I always knew and saw but there was nothing I could say as in the end its all about what is accepted as working
– in which we had less success
This new senior guy is also a very hard working chap and has made a success out of things so well that stands out. What no one sees is – he writes things to work for that moment – his success is due to his heroic efforts – which in future would be hard to handle by others – unlike someone who wrote it more well neat with a thought for ease and longevity.

But I thought at least this guy had the eye to see the good work – something the so called managers pre-occupied with making ppts dont. And so that incident and another below brought me this whole thought of how
- can we appreciate and – what we appreciate tells so much about us.

My father is one of those persons about whom one of the advertisements jokes – “tab tho un dinon street light ke paas kaafi bheed rahi hogi” (it must’ve been really busy with so many people under the street light)- Yeah he too says I studied there .

Nevertheless he was viewing the new 5 star add where two guys sat on a wooden horse thing and well he said “what crap is this . They pay lakhs for this nonsense” . Well I thought – Ok he’s off on his usual rant – but then he remembered a ad and appreciated it – a rarity and that would tell so much about him – its not a enjoyable or fun ad but he appreciated it.
“He said that add where a kid takes a wire and makes something like tongs for his mother – how nice that concept was” – It was for Havell’s fire proof cables
The fact is my father is one of those people who loves making things out of such crap which exasperates us no end as this pretty much means nothing in the house can be thrown out – everything could be useful in some way !! . Yup oyr house is full of old wires being used for clothesline – broken shoe heels can be fashioned into door stoppers and what not
And so I realised that was why that ad touched him and he liked it .
Just as someone who loves to code appreciates a good code.

Indeed to praise the sun is praising your own eyes – your own love for the light & warmth it bestows

few thoughts on an unplanned holy visit

It wasn’t a trip I planned nor would I have.A trip to holy places is never on my agenda. No its not because of my aversion to stringent religiousness . It is more because of what it does to me.
Every time I visit those pilgrimage spot strangely it happens to be some special day when crowds throng more than usual . And then in those crowds I do not see God. I see the lack of what they call God. Yeah I know its all about perception.
I do start out hoping as people say that in places like haridwar etc you find peace , are touched by divinity of the place and so on. And then you get rushed up in trains pushed as you walk through to the aarti, misguided by locals , of the fake ritualistic talk by pilgrims and the whole milling population around does not arouse any divine feeling. It depresses me no end.
The chilled water does bring some peace if you manage to sit calmly at the ghats but every time you see people you see all that is wrong at least what I feel wrong played on like a exhibit repeatedly.
You see the dirt and plastic in the water and then someone calls it holiest of the holy
- its hard to be blind and its worse to see so many being willfully blind.
I would love to be an atheist & some do brand me one but then unfortunately such certainty never sat well with me . I’ve always been the lost agnostic & have reconciled myself that I will stay the same in this lifetime.

The river had its beauty & held its own as you gazed at it late in the moonlight but whenever I saw people in and around it it lost that mysticism. And if you stray away from the river well that was it – I found nothing much in the air whatever they say.

And then there was this quick drive to Mussoorie with a terrible driver who simply refused to take us anywhere & so all we had was a drive up the hills & a walk on the road & a garden.

All I stared at was the trees . Huge tall trees have a way of holding me breathless and making me recall the quote
“Trees are earth’s ode to heaven”

Then tried recalling all my Ruskin Bond stories & the pine trees and was lost in that.
Then there was our very young lil friend all lost worrying about all & sundry in the world & future – reminding me of my myself a decade ago and this quote
“It is an illusion that youth is happy,
an illusion of those who have lost it.”

Innocence is so rare in people though these days that even a semblance of it brings such joyful laughter .Almost poetic.
But then life is on firmer ground -along with us was a family from a small town & the lady and her actions reminded me why ekta kapoors serials work. Throughout the trip there was her frustration with a “devil may care attitude” cool husband while she tagged along with a really troublesome boy & a calm quiet girl child. And everytime she was teased about her angry demeanor with her husband she justified it with her own deep insights on marriage – of how they were not fighting – love is all about differences & adjustment & fights are not really fights. That there can never be a person with whom all your thoughts gel & would be perfect.
The words seems true taken verbally – so logical but its the vibe that gives it all away . She rambles on all the while acting oblivious to the fact that her every word showed her frustration with life & how it had depressed her to no end . Her talk of how her aspirations were stifled and what a brilliant teacher she was – and how despite being someone who handed out corporal punishment at college she was oh so liked…you despise them when you hear them at times & then you think & feel so much pity & you end up in despair deciding on your own emotion.

Then there was the family we visited – for all our talk about all the baba’s agitation & its politics we saw how people believed in them. Some blindly and some with their own twisted logic but one could see the dedication – the need most people have deep within for order & discipline & faith as else they feel lost – and how its exploited.
Then you feel your own hypocrisy at times …whatever we thought we never argued for we do not offend our hosts by cold logic .
Would want to write more but its all so fuzzy somehow.

p.s: the nuggets you listen in train from villagers
“I dont know why they force kids to go to school – its ok for city kids as schools are nearby
but think of the village kids – they spend 3 to 4 hrs travelling – whats the point ?? “
Ah the illusions one India has of another are so bewildering

Of the value a winning joy brings

Last month in one of those moods when I just go ahead and buy books I bought the book Chinaman by shehaan karunaatilake .
Been a very busy month and I still am just halfway through so will post seperately on the book itself.
I started reading the book in train and as I read this quote in there I focused on those lines with a long pause
on the words

But once in a while, the very best of them will…. and thought of Sachin’s centuries
and smiled to myself and though lucky us
we’ve had quite a many “once in a while’s “

So When India won the World Cup and that too beating Sri Lanka
- may be Sachin did not fire – may be it isnt a left arm seamer but still I still recalled the quote in that Sri Lanka based novel
and thought of how the moment was all value for a billion.
It probably wont be much of use to most individual lives and will hardly change our daily lives or
cure any of the the ills we are living through yet……. what amazing value it brings to a collective memory of a nation

“been told …..that there is no use or value in sports,”
…………………

“In a thousand years, grass will have grown over all our cities.
Nothing of anything will matter. Left-arm spinners cannot teach your children
or cure you of disease. But once in a while,
the very best of them will bowl a ball that will
bring an entire nation to its feet.
And while there may be no practical use in that,
there is most certainly value.”

Pondering some endings…

Yesterday I was again reminded of this awesome poem by Agyey in hindi.
It was not a happy thing, though it doesnt not -yet- mean directly for me.

Someone I worked with remotely for over past 2 yrs suddenly is supposed to move out of a project he initiated.
In corporate life every decision has its merits & demerits but some how the way somethings are handled at times makes you feel bad.
There is not much you can say to someone whom you reported to for 2 years once a week but never knew anything else.
And all I could think of was that poem.

In Hindsight – I am a hopeless creature who gets nostalgic about things which are part & parcel of life

P.S: Someone please invent a better line to convey that some work is very
precious and dear to heart rather than – ” Its my baby”

Of being reminded ..

A old friend from college days called up and started talking about the reunion of sorts they had in the US of a few of our hostelmates.The conversation made me glad of having this blog as I seem to have a terrific ability to forget many things which I dont care about personally .
May be I either outgrow things completely OR I always just hang onto them never letting go . There seems to be less of a middle path in my case.

She started off relating how S a senior has not changed one wee bit , she still behaves as though she is the center of the world and they stupidly still sort of catered to her. “Remember How she did not even ask about having food when we had travelled so far for her marriage. She even neglected and left our gift lying in the corner crap”

Now I had lost complete memory of such things as S was another of those acquaintances we called friends – no attachment neither any great respect/liking which for me can be mutually exclusive. But here I was being reminded of all that and I wonder about myself.
Why do people bother so much about these things and somewhere I know why I don’t – because my expectation level with people has been very low and whenever I’ve raised it Ive been quite dissapointed.
But then I never raise it for everyone esp when you know that they are not worth it. Keeping it low has sprung many a pleasant surprises with people.I am amazed in fact when people remember me esp as I dont see hugely what they had to remember me for.
Nevertheless, people I dont know why nurse such bad memories which mean nothing really for years together.

It makes me wonder if having a good memory is all that good.
As Nietzsche said
“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.”
So to complete the corollary “The advantage of a bad memory is that one never remembers the bad things “
But then may be it makes you prone to repeating your errors – or does the subconscious handle it? Whatever !!

P.S:
I am having some insane time at my office , making my friends say lady enjoy the drama while you can .
Its something like ek resource theen manager . Thats an upgrade from the two I had last who dont see eye to eye literally.
I have so many issues of my own nuisance at home that I just let the drama go on rather than add to my stress,
but if only there was a smart player what an awesome situation this is .
But then only a fool like me can end up in such stupid situation.Lets see how it ends cause things have to move now some way.

and so — Still listening to Udaan’s awesome Azaadiyan song

Kahani khatam hai ya shuruwaat hone ke hai (Is it the end of the story or the begining)
Subha nayi hai yeh ya phir raat hone ko hai ( Is it a new dawn or the start of night)
Aane wala waqt dega panha hai/Ya phir se milenge do raahein ( The time to come will take care of us Or will I again stand at a juncture)
Khabar kya, kya pataa ( Who knows)

P.P.S: I really dont want to write much on facebook but I always end up noticing such inane ridiculous things there that well I cant help it.Imagine you have a Sr manager on your friendlist and on a post – your sister , husband comments saying what a bunch of lazy buggers you are and how the org pays you for free as all you do is spend time on FB . The whole team is a kaamchor.
Seriously even if it was a joke – people are idiotic . Even if you dont care about the job its such downright senseless behavior but seems the world is anyway full of a billion of them . And after all Truth is Great and we should not be hypocrites.

Udaan – Realism without the addons

While a lot of people watch movies to experience may be what is absent or what cannot be and enjoy the thrill of it,
there are few movies which end up as chilling reminders of what was.I wouldn’t write much on Udaan really , but that when I saw the movie end , I just thought if I was a guy I’d probably have ended up being that guy in some way.
Its not a entertainment type of movie , but it does not bore at all for most part.

I know we as a society love to relegate people on high altars based on just some social roles.People have kids because its the norm and kids are supposed to be indebted for being brought into this callous world.
Its a chilling story of the middle class we grew up in where its a insult to stare back into face – you have to lower your eyes.Throughout the movie the “aankhen neechi karo ” almost brought back ghosts.
Hell even the location Jamshedpur was almost recognizable having lived in steel cities of those days.

I loved the part where the guy says back to his father ” Its an awesome method – First you scar a child for life (and that always need not mean physical beating scars) and then say sorry”
People underestimate these scars of childhood so much ,I have seen and not all have the same spirit.
I just wondered , had the guy not been in boarding at all would he ever have gotten that spirit – knowing only being a crushed spirit.

Also the movie does try to give us some insight into the opposite side – its about a character who is wrong but – its the same thing – scars of their own memories( somethin which preachy movies like Taare Zameen pe and 3 idiots simply dont. As I wrote in TZP a movie where it simply does not give one scene of empathy for the father)

Many people have past scars – some try to repeat them by scarring others to feel it was right ,
some try to ensure that it never repeats and therein lies the difference forward.

Jumbled thoughts of times we live in…

I have lost the art or may be the patience of writing a nice one topic based post which is why I write in such directionless manner , but the real issue is finding a title for such posts honestly.
Well I started writing on this thinking of facebook. There’s something sinister about the way facebook is developing – I mean the way its being planned to be used by organizations.
Nothing’s clear(though we all know the conspiracy theories) but what do you feel when you get an invite from
- the senior managers who rarely nods when they pass you by,
- people sitting two blocks away and all managers who rarely say hi (not that i mind , even I dont do that but then I dont go adding them)

Its isnt quite the orkut style stranger friend requests – its a deliberate thing by people whose request you cannot
refuse without being rude.
I have seen someone who added people in a whole department in a week . He probably has spoken directly to 40% of them even once.
If keeping in touch – professional contacts was the thing there’s always linkedin which should be used.
But somehow no senior manager bothers on that Platform.

Organizations are begining to have social media policies I hear , but that is for employees being restricted,
I wonder if organizations themselves will have any scruples at all using stuff they pick up on employees.
But then thats an individual problem.

I am amazed at the idiots galore who put up their birthday on facebook fully correctly when thats actually the minimal authentication for many banks. No wonder Citibank type frauds happen. I was feeling hilarious
when I heard he cheated the Hero Group and at the same time it seemed scary.
If thats the level of sophistication really what chance do we have.

But yeah the sums that get talked about on TV and internet makes you feel really so small .
I mean nothing less than a crore gets discussed , be it IPL, frauds scams, or shopping and then you get
hikes of a thousand rupees or some single digit multiple . You seriously question yourself about you being any good really
until you see the IPL auction.

Ravindra Jadeja gets bid for 4 crore plus while some of the best across go unbid or for what 1 crore + /-.
This is a twisted world really. Nothing professional about it .
There you go Ayn Rand !! – If you ever want to see why your pure capitalism is not perfect and fails just see this auction.
The best will not rise to the top by default in Capitalism.
Capitalism is simply the lesser and preferable evil which allows everyone a chance to be evil , but evil it is.

Then again I think Ayn Rand was wrong but may be she had to exaggerate capitalism and its perfect world ,to put across her point among the fanatic socialists.

Thats the only way it seems to make a point. The assasination in Pakistan of Tasser and other religious hardline stuff we hear -
simply keeps increasing day by day even on the internet makes you realise the importance of someone like Richard Dawkins.
He seems as fanatic about Atheism as the religious fanatics he opposes(which is why I found God Delusion a wonderful read but odd ) but its at these times you realise why thats necessary -
without that fanatic passion you cannot make a liberal open minded counter argument to the relegious extremists.

I havent seen the movie The Devil’s Advocate yet but I heard this quote from it which I liked because esp of the line
” absentee landord ” as it reminded me of my favorite perfect song describing God for me

“aasman pe hai khuda aur zameen pe hum “
aaj kal vo is taraf dekhta hai kam”

John Milton: Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He’s a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It’s the goof of all time. Look but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow. Ahaha. And while you’re jumpin’ from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He’s laughin’ His sick, fuckin’ ass off. He’s a tight-ass. He’s a sadist. He’s an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never.

Jottings on some Movies over the Holiday Season

2011 is here but well I’m not quite inclined to write on heavy stuff
still which in a way is good as it might mean heavy cribbing of sad things.

So well let me make some quick jottings on some movies I saw last few months.
As I maintain my posts are not reviews as I watch most of them so very late
and i write only about what I felt based on my state of mind.

First the good one –

The first movie in saw in 2011 Band Baaja Baraat was sweet. I mean really sweet .
Its been like long after Jab We Met that I liked a romantic Hindi movie as much.There were few good movies like Love Aaj Kal but most lacked the emotionality somehow . always the same thought – concepts nice but something more could be done.
I sort of liked this movie though – almost made eyes blurry at few moments which once upon a time was nothing but these days is real feat.

And then if you dont like it go watch Break Ke Baad . Irrespective of taste preference I am sure 90% will
then like Band Baaja Baraat.Seriously Break Ke Baad is a lesson in how movies can be made boring. There’s nothing you seriously dislike out there but it drags on .

Its become this typecasting of Deepika Padukone – the one who keeps breaking off. There’s that Sonam Kapoors’s Aisha, I hate Love Stories and all of them confuse me as one movie differentiating from other . The same hip hop looks careers and story packaged as romance.
It is here that Band Baaja Baraat is refreshing. All romances are the same – its that mush which needs to be varied
and humor without cheap jokes is always a plus with me.

Next disappointment was The Deathly Hallows – Part 1 – in harry Potter series ,though it was lessesned by the fact that after the Half Blood Prince I have toned down the expectations with the director anyway . He makes them like art movies . They are fine may be technically and so on but something stays amiss .
The thrill is gone and also I am quite sure people who have not read the book cannot figure out half the stuff. The detailing is bad.
Now may be this is good to encourage book being read but still the book seemed more thrilling more heart rending and touching.
But thats just me . I’d probably say that of most books but the revelations about Dumbledore in the book were a big thing
and affected you much , here its not quite the same.

The amazing part I want to note is again perceptions. I read a post by someone that what they liked about the movie was the
lovely scene betweek Harry and Hermione which was not in the book but added in the movie and its so caring and
touchingly beautiful of a lovely friendship which is quite what I felt.

So when I go to you tube to check it out I get led somehow to some other reveiw wherein the complain was exactly the opposite .
They felt that that dance should not have been added as it gave wrong impressions about their friendship which was absent in the book. Hmmmm its all in the mind.

Similar stuff I felt when I read

this

about women offended by Social Network. The directors response is good.
Issue with getting offended with some things is applying one potrayal of someone from a group as a benchmark for all .
Its hard to resist stereotyping .

I had on my laptop a movie which I had been postponing since long. Perfume - The Story of a Murderer.
The movie is based on a man having very strong olfactory sense and hence can know the smell of everything to very small detail.
Then he smells a woman and gets obsessed over capturing it and hence kills 7 of them to make a perfume that subjugates the world to him.But then he realises his nothingness despite them and sort of gives it all up by getting himself killed in the same fish market where he was born.The ending seemed stupid but overall the story was very well developed.
Its a different movie sure but may leave people quite uneasy . The opening market scene of the fish market and all
- the worms, the gore of it was way too much for my sensibilities which is why while watching action is all fine -
I sort of stay off movies like Saw etc. Blood and gore are just not my cup of Tea.

Finally about Guzaarish . Now thing with this movie for me was not the movie but the way many people asked me
Did you like it ?
Unlike other movies which is either trashed or said as good for once or great – there was this apprehensive questioning esp
because it seems quite a few liked it. I too found it Ok but there are two things to consider here.
I watched it comfortably at home and I had very low expectation – hoping for something like Black or Kites and all such tragic saga.
But the movied moved on quite better. No awesomeness, slow movie – sort of arty kind but did not bore me somehow.
Half the people though are surprised and wondering how come the other half (of the usual normal set )managed to like it.

Another Year

Whats a year but a number when life seems to be almost in slumber.
2010 drifted really in a nothingness sort of way for me

Have been in a strange mood since December. Dont feel like reading much.
Dont feel like writing too.
Thoughts come to mind but there is a tendency to just lie still and not jot them.
Hope 2011 lets me get over all that and we come to a grand end as predicted the following year.

Sounding too morose this post for a new year?
Well here’s a lovely song that makes me feel hugely better
always with lovely lyrics as usual by gulzar

ek subah ek mod par

P.S: This post was made just hoping that I try to post more or rather something better than what I did in 2010
And just as I am planning to click publish I remember its a new decade too. Ok so next post may be a decade recap ? Let see

General Musings

So much’s been happening it seems in the world and well may be I to should start tweeting rather than posting long essays.
I had so much I was hoping to write and then just frittered it all in thought. I have been in one of my laziest phases.

This post is mostly unconnected parts of stuff I managed to remember
I actually was hoping to write about the book I was reading The Black Swan & Fooled by randomness , but its very contents reminded me of what I saw here there and what not. I will review it in a different post.
Essentially the book talks about the role of luck or rather what we call luck, uncertainity etc.

Now I have oscillating views on that.
So here was one forward of a speech by Harsha Bhogle someone I am quite a fan of since was a kid.
http://brijux.com/2009/09/12/harsha-bhogle-achievers-of-excellence-iim-ahmedabad/

Its quite long but real nice esp I would say one should listen to part 2 first and then if one wants go to part1.
Well anyways he nicely opens a discussion about luck (at 17:50 in part 2)- he recalls how Ganguly told him it was great luck VVS Laxmans innings at Kolkatta.
Harsha disagrees and says its all the coming together of preparedness opportunity etc and gives his own personal example of his admission in IIM. Enjoyed hearing it and all , but the skepticism was open esp as I never can decide if I believe in fate or not.

Now I went to the passport office next day – after all the confusion of many things I am told I need not only the latest bill as adresss proof but also a bill 1 year older and I was like Oh Gosh – I will have to go through all this again.
Nowhere I saw mentioned saying you need bills across a year. But then I remembered I had some old bill in my purse and voila !
I found a old 2009 bill and I managed to get my work done the same day.

So I recalled the interview – Now what do I call it – luck or preparedness – I never prepared for needing a 1.5 yr old bill.
But if I want to put it like this – I can always say -
I am a very organized person and see I keep stuff prepared.

So I wondered why is it that most people always talk of luck and fate on failure .
When success comes people go on about hard work and self belief and all stuff.
Its a open thing – we can wonder and debate about all the time to no end.
I dont like to believe in fate but then it kind of has always been my bane in more ways than I can describe which is why I am often kind of lost in thoughts when I hear such debates.

There is so much of Wikileaks around that one cant escape it. It strangely reminded me hugely of what I wrote reviewing Social Network.We want all our heroes to be angelic – Why cant we be open to the fact that things in world are almost always grey
and there is no such thing as an absolute truth.
Just because he’s brave and takes on governments mean Assange has no prejudice against women. Just as just because accusers are women we need to take their word as the truth.
It seems real nice the leaking of truth about governments etc – but lets just say there was no confidential reports in governments -
all is in open – would that make it a better world. Wont conspiracies and prejudices flourish by word of mouth .
While US policies may have been fully flawed – it does not mean terrorism is purely a by product of that and the world was a beautiful place before we brought in governance.
Then we have the Indian version of it all – which is even more depressing. But while it seems so much of a rage on twitter and
blogosphere I wonder how many of us really would stand up and fight and how many has the system already defeated.

We really are the species Darwin talks of – the first instinct is self preservation.

P.S: It may seem strange but this by far has been one of the most exciting reads for me in recent times.
The whole thing is thrilling than most thrillers we read.

http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/11/26/secret-agent-crippled-irans-nuclear-ambitions/

It seemed so appreciable and awesome really – the whole attention to detail – and then the scare sets in in the mind.
I seriously wondered about times – not a penny in reality but all of life’s earnings in electronic form and my mom’s old advice
- why oh why you dont buy gold – hmm!! she’s already been vindicated partly with the gold prices

Then I wondered hmm but wont that make movies boring – like 007 replaced by Stuxnet
- and then I think – no Social network wasnt all that boring. Sure they’ll figure a way out to talk out the code design in some dashing ways – he he !!

Another rant – unfair unfair and what not

Ok after a long time one of those pure rant posts. I had lots of nonsensical reading I was hoping to post about all that
but you see nothing inspires you out of laziness than such as below

Had one of those world is unfair moments – I mean you know thats how things are in the world but still when it stares at your face you have those moments when only may be Calvin saves you

world_IS_unfair

Accessed someone’s resume when was left accessible.

Of course one expects resumes are pumped up and overblown version of work,but what I saw blew me away
This person happens to be the lowest contributor of our very small team of five which was well overblown to 9
but well designation is module lead, but thats acceptable in these cases

The contribution section was filled with past 3 years of my job description – tools on which she never worked or knows a line of
- added with the sheer confidence of a person who knows the opposite person also wont know that tool since its rare enough ,so one can always talk
- and of course extra fluff called motivating team members and what not

Yeah in a true blue interview not much of all this stands but it does two things
1. It spoils resume of people who truly worked on that stuff in general I feel – stupid may be but I feel it at times
2. how many true blue interviews happen really – esp if the lady’s a smashing bong with a seniormost executive hubby
- how she got in here itself is sheer fate – my stupid lead engg at that time said ” its ok we are not getting that skillset, we can always teach them” – thats a different matter he regretted it deeply withing few months – but well so what that chaps gone , but here she is .
Yeah guts to fake it – is also guts – and well appreciate it

She’s a pretty fine person , with a very cute child and great circle of friends and well that simply adds to that thing nah
world is unfair – I know – I know so what – I can still rant – say its unfair

It takes time though to sink in – accepting the unfairness of it all and my stupidity in various other things.
I need to get some serious sleep to get over all such thoughts.
But essentially thats what I am doing since last 1 week after taking literally over a fortnight off
- a house arrested vacation.
Now that sure will make some one say
- hey its unfair – yeah it is – it surely is

Watching and Musing about the Social Network

Watched Social network and quite liked it essentially because of the elements Scott Adams put up in his review here .

http://www.dilbert.com/blog/entry/the_social_network__review/

“I appreciate the movie for what it did not do. It did not rely on special effects in a way that was obvious to the viewer. It wasn’t in 3D. There was no violence. There was no car chase scene. If you make a list of all the elements that can make a movie predictable and lame, this movie had none. That’s at least partly because the story is inspired by reality.”

For me that was real point . Something lacking all the common stuff for which people flock to a movie . I was kind of bugged up the Avatars and Inceptions dealing with what we don’t understand or see – and refusing to face up to what faces us – our own human social awkwardness and insecurities in the existing realm.

Though more than the movie I essentially thought a lot about the real facebook in general.
The ending scene seriously is the real poignant picture. Humanity invariably is like that after all the Darwin , Freud and Einstein and
relegion stuff when people are obsessed well they are obsessed. Money is a great substitute – a great painkiller it just wont heal the wounds .

The movie does reflect greatly on how someone hugely socially awkward built the worlds biggest social networking.
It actually makes you feel like he thinks even more worse of the general populace who fall for it and is kind of smirking.
and if you read about these old IM’s of Zuckerberg well he surely was !!.

Secondly as much as we want to believe the world’s most successful people are wonderful humans – fact is they necessarily dont have to be the nicest and good people.
Its not just Zuckerberg – as much as we love Apple products and find steve jobs inspiring – fact is the guy’s damn arrogant.
But yeah he’s got enough reasons to be and its hard to envision many in that position who wouldnt be.

Getting back to social networking – I was just musing how there could be two kinds of populace
- one who are truer on facebook than in reality i.e they express themseleves and their thoughts easier there
and other who build up exactly the facade they want to be but never will be.

The most miniscule percentage would be the people who are exactly the same on and out of Facebook
(as a matter of fact anything online – I certainly consider myself in the first set in a general way as I blog anonymously).
But yeah facebook differs or hoped to differ from other online stuff in the sense that its about people you know even if not friends.
Though seriously its not even that.I read about this facebook scam and was like hmm .

The movie reminded me of so many things in general.
I have a friend who just wont join facebook and deleted her orkut account too.
She’s had a rough time in life and she says she gets upset by the constant advertising by people of their family and kids and that
happiness facade or truth or whatever.Thats one side – and I think its just a personal reaction but happens with a reason.

Then I see some comments .
I have two friends – both have very cute kids.and I left comments on their cute kids.

What amused me though was this – these two remotely know each other – and yet -
one friend then left a comment about how wonderful and cute and smart the kid was looking
the other then reciprocates – ur princess too is very sweet.

This is exactly the loving diplomacy , backslapping and false affection reminds of that song
“tum hume good kaho – hum tumhe very good kahenge”

It is not that the kids are not cute its just the fakeness – (though to be honest even if they werent they – children are supposed to be said to be cute.Any other word and you are heartless.)
Neverthless we are now in the facebook generation and I wont be cruel and say all of it is fake as Ive seen a lot of people being
really in touch with a whole bunch – the people you would lose touch with but for facebook.
Its the same old 80-20 pareto rule I guess.
80% of the time we care about a maximum of 20% of the facebook contacts/features .

P.S:My last thought on this was if I do live through for a decade or so more – I will be reading the autobiographies of all these people about whom right no so called inspired biographies are made – and what new twists they will throw up.

A Welcome break for thoughts

After a very long boring year or so I finally took a quick long weekend break.
I am not too social as it is and my current job – where we dont have much of a team really being scattered as it is -
so no outings, lunches etc – the usual corporate hoopla and thus for a very long time my only outing was to the shopping mall.

So this was was a very very unplanned trip. Some girls at my office had a planned outing with some other of their friends and a common friend suggested to join them.So I and my sister were virtual outsiders in that group and then other girls too joined and it was one tortourously packed cab we were in .

So prior to my usual rant – few lines about this quick trip to Coorg – it had its moments.

That moment atop Talacauvery temple and at Raja’s seat at Madikeri to get a view of the mountains with fog and clouds.
Then the walk to the Abbey falls in rain – it was a beautiful waterfall – but for me the euphoric thing was unlike quite a few girls I did
not get any leeches onto me. Seriously since the time I heard of Coorg – I who have a perenial scare of all crawling stuff was quite
worried.

Finally we hurried off most places to get to Nagarhole – but it was one big dissapointment. When the safari van chap
does not close the doors you know nothing wild’s around in the forest.
Nothing really – just deer deer and more deer and as they say so many deer means no tigers.
Not sure if we were unlucky not to spot any or its a nice coverup as many Indian things are.
But what I remember of that ride in nagarhole was the fresh and fragrant smell of forest . It was very very nice.
When you came out you could tell the difference.

In fact with the group of excited young women that I was with paddy fields on the way seemed to be
most entertaining with everyone posing their photographs.

All in all it was a welcome break for me – It was a experience though despite the travel discomfort of being packed up in a cab.
But I needed it to tear myself away from my laptop. It just isnt work – I sort of seem to be stuck with it – to avoid thinking .

So firstly the whole group was the very young brigade – hyper excited , jovial – the just out of girls college syndrome.
I was quite apprehensive on this count .
Also I sometimes I feel its better for me to maintain some personal distance with people at office.
The below incident explains why

Vibrant vivacious and very sweet this girl who sits two cubicles from me and I are in same room with my sister.
It starts such
You got the hike ? How less they give but at least you got. You must be a rich girl.
Me: Try to play along – Yeah Yeah you are as rich as you feel
She: OOOO and my sis tooo joins in with ooooooooo
What I wanted to say: kiddo when i was your age I did not have a penny in hand – money is bloody important -
but what for the money is also as important – as is being peaceful at least ,if not happy with your surroundings.

She: How much experience you have XXX – Oh really I did not know that.
Then why are you here – you should jump and get such a good hike

Me: But well I am used to the good life here and work too is not bad and I have my perks of not being answerable theoretically half the time to anyone really – I have my issues but where are there no issues.
See in other jobs I’d never have been able to take this holiday as easily – though Id been abale to afford a expensive one
- so for me things balance out
She: But see this is the age to work work and earn. later we cant esp after marriage etc etc.
I cant afford anything with what they pay – have to buy a car.

What I wanted to say: My dear I am already at a age where I am tired – (then I would have rethought – really -
at what age did you not have the inertia disease.)
Seriously when such sweet young people offer advice so overwhelmingly confidently I can only remember one quote -
esp as since a decade -I think of myself as old

” I am not young enough to know everything”

She: This place has so much politics, this that and about her manager , other managers
Me: Have you worked anywhere else prior to here
I finally say what I wanted to say – I have worked a a few more places so let me tell you ,
while all you say may be true – wherever you go dont expect any different – just that they will pay you more which is good surely.

Its always been nice to work with young people their enthusiasm and all , but somehow there is a sense of discomfort.
Because they haven’t seen the other part of life. for e.g these I wish they would have a look at their juniors from 2009 who had seen their dreams crashing. What you get easy – one never values is what Ive seen and learnt from them.

As I said its the exuberance of youth – and as much as I like to watch it from a distance – getting cozy with them
raises such uncomfortable situations to which I have the answers but not the heart to slam it onto their faces.

P.S: Seriously I have my extravagant tastes – books for one or lil diamonds for another – , but why do people including my sister have a problem if that isnt buying a car or splurging on restaurants and dresses at sales of their choice.
I dont condemn their tastes – but whenever I end up in company of such people they have this way of making me feel like I am a miser.
I am surely compared to them – but thats how I am and have no qualms about it.

My sisters an expert at these esp with her interpretation of “The Ant and the Grasshopper” Aesop fable.
Most version I checked on google – specify that ants turn their backs on the grasshopper – and then the moral of the story is displayed about ” there is a time for work and time for play”
Buy my dear sister and me in our childhood must have read a kinder version wherein the ants after giving a long moral of the story
ask the grasshopper to join in – in return for singing for them.
So here’s the moral of the story she picks up -
After all the grashopper said sorry and it was just a short repreive and all Grasshopper does is sing along
doing what it loves and lives happily.

In a way she’s damned right and probably the world is skewed that way.
Grasshoppers always find ants who sustain them.

Quite Robotic !!

To state it simply it was a hugely underwhelming experience.
The hype , the praise surrounding Robot – I was prepared to be slightly dissapointed but really to be bored in a Rajni movie
- not expected and yet for most part I was bored.

It just meanders on , it tries to touch on high brow issues here and there no doubt about science and humans
and social effects but really just a scratch on surface.
For most part it just streches on. One movie whose success is beyond me.
As for Aishwarya she is so perfect for Robot.Such a beautiful Robotess??
In that song where in a scene multiple clones of Aishwarya came on screen I just thought what the heck is the movie all about.
If chitti likes Sana then the scientist shouldve made another Robot for Chitti just like Sana and let the matter rest.
Or the Robot who cloned himself all over shouldve made one like Sana who really likes him and program non cheating (but bugs will exist in code as always!!)

I do not dislike it – Its just boring. In fact of all mass heroes Rajnikanth is the most entertaining with whatever his patented stylishness is and yet this so boring a movie.
Crazy fans I understand – but even for them there is not a single rajni punch line or anything for mass hysteria seriously.

Oh Yeah technical brilliance appreciation is deserved – yeah for folks who never watched beyond Indian movies yes brilliant
- but anyone who saw other stuff wont find this mind blowing.
Yes this cost less was done at on etenth the price of Hollywood – so the director and technicians did a feat ,
admirable take nothing away from them – but the movie was enjoyable – how ??

The technical appreciation for an admirable work by an Indian while completely deserved , me being cruel thinking
reminded me of lalit Bhanot’s amazing comment during CWG. “Our standards are different than yours”

The movie lacked heart or emotional touch somehow for me – and since I am not a great technical effects fan I guess thats the core issue.Even in movies like Matrix I loved the subtext the emotional conflicts and the whole discussion etc rather than the high quality stunts and whatever.

But technical eye feast if thats to be talked of not in strict technical terms – of the few movies I’ve seen I just
have to say “Lord of the Rings” – I just love the whole setting and the extravagant setup.
There’s a joy in every character human or robotic .
I was terrified and disliked the Gollum creature hugely – but saw a forum where a lady found him cute – Hmmm.

P.S: Since the post was about a underwhelming experience I will just post a unrelated link from CWG which was a overwhelming experience.I am no athletics fan nor ever watch it but was led to it by a link and was wowed by it.Girls with no support whasoever and such odds and the video seems just like a thriller in a movie.

Confused by Inception …. Chill with Dabangg

Recently I watched two movies and diverse as they are they are and little that I have to say – its best to club them in one post.

First is the film thats been well ooh ahed’ internationally as a great movie Inception.
It is a exceptionally well made film but really I have a feeling it kind of made itself exceptional by being deliberately complex.

I wouldnt pretend to be ultra smart and say I got the movie as it unfolded. I didnt -
I went back and forth and checked out the stuff on net to get the complete hang of it.

The point is the premise of the movie is hardly complex – at least not to us the eastern exotic people
- who kind of have a philosophy for all paranormal stuff in some way.
I mean dont we have stories of people travelling in dreams – being granted wishes and what not.We just take them for granted.

What I am trying to say is strip the movie of its great special effects etc and the complex structural screenplay it has
- whats left is a very empty thing – a very plain discussion/article about dreams – it does not even have a clear story as per se.

And yet with such a subject the director made a movie of over 2 hrs and compelled us to watch it which is where the movie scores surely.Its a great discussion which has been filmed – its like someone puts their random thoughts in some structure and films them.

Though not comparable in any realm or any relation at all- sometime back watched Duplicity
- a story of plain corporate espionage common fare -
and was reminded of it just like that.

What I just wonder about is leave Indians – as in them a very small set will watch it in percentage terms and review it hugely like I am doing -but in the US if the special effects and action stuff was out
- how many average Americans would’ve enjoyed watching it ?
Yeah its almost a cult on the internet but …we do have a world beyond the net still.
Actually how may would have understood it for what the movie was all about.

If its a philosophical discussion for the elite audience – a book will be far more satisfying but when its a cinematic extravaganza I feel it helps if it was not so deliberately confusing .

But all this is not to say it wasnt enjoyable. It most certainly was
but no I was not hugely overwhelmed – just admired the director hugely for being so adventurous.

But if philosophical discussions in movies are what one enjoys ‘Waking life’ is one movie one must see.
You can just think and ponder and all that with animated characters which definitely reduce the prejudices we have when we see real people on screen.

So after subjecting my mind to such high stress of understanding Inception – it deserved the break called Dabangg.

The one thing these days is filmmakers now are clear about which end of the spectrum of populace the movie is targetted for
and any overlap helps in collections.
Not a fan of Salman , but after a long long time liked him in a movie.
He does not overact just for the sake of it – does it when it helps.
Movie can be summed up in one word – relax and enjoy and forget.
It could have been made much crass , but I liked the restraint shown in that sense mainly ,
that and the compactness of it,i.e nothing is streched – neither the love , nor the hatred .
Again as a story its a shell bollywood foundations are built on – absolutely nothing to add
frankly its the kind rajnikanth does down south almost very 2 years and yet Salman sort of rises up to it.
You just can’t imagine the charming Sharukh or high brow Mr perfection Aamir there.
Even the music is nothing awesome – yeah it is fine and is a hit but by end of 2011 it will be hardly memorable.
And yet the realm of the spectrum this movie captures is much higher – for what purpose you could say
- well nothing – just entertainment business .

P.S: twitter is source of much fun as usual – I have many teammates complaining of slow VM’s at my workplace and then I saw this tweet twitter.com/myzt/status/21301896997
The main idea of “Inception”: if you run a VM inside a VM inside a VM inside a VM, everything will be very slow

What would this world be if people did not have such wonderful sense of humorous simplications . We’d all be stuck in some limbo.

Peepli Live: quick note

Watched Peepli Live.
One of the best rural portrayals – in the sense of not going overboard really.
I know I keep repeating it in pretty much every review but it gets to me the
way our villages are portrayed, either as too sad – usually art movie types, or too innocent.
The language too was kept rustic without getting too dirty.
I loved the potrayal of the old mother and the daughter in law. Trust me Ive seen almost similar interactions
which is exactly why the loving village folk scare me as much.

Only thing I would say on Peepli Live is had this not been promoted by Aamir how many of us
really would have watched it , however good it might have been.

As far as the media portrayal I it was quite decent, the real ones we get on TV are actually worse.
While we a small section ,use all this for fun, I tremendously enjoy the enormous jokes on our news anchors on twitterstream
What worries me hugely is that we have a huge set of people who believe TV and are vehement about – whatever is shown on TV.
For e.g There was a time when the old wisdom was really kind old wisdom – right or wrong it was information passed down generations.
Now what we hear on TV is wisdom .I realised this with my mother being so dependent on it for her (tips)nuskas on health etc these days that she’s almost forgotten her original know how I somehow felt.

first err in haste and then rant in blogposts

Its one of the hardest things to do – to accept that mistakes inevitably happen ,
whether due to luck or pressure ,rush or whatever.
Unlike others who find it hard owning up to one I very easily can own up when I see one ,
but to accept it to myself that I overlooked something , it is very hard.

I try , but its hard till I manage to get some sleep over it.
Its till I do that well enough , I find it tortures me .

And then when people tell you , its ok its ok – its hard not to try to
figure out who says that as a smirk and who means it genuinely.

This was a week I felt after a long time felt that whole elements were simply against me.
It felt like a huge conspirarcy of fate , nature and what not and I slipped up .

Murphy’s law took its course and everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

I just hope it ends here and does not carry through to the next month.
reminded me of a sysadmin to whom once I said after our whole servers crashed
” Oh that VM is fine , well then the worst is behind us”
To which I was replied

“Never say that –, The worst is never behind us,
it is always ahead of us , waiting for us to slip up and then catch us ” or something like that
Even on messenger it seemed ominous then.

In hindsight , such errors keep you grounded , may be .
Trying to look at the bright part of it.
I erred , when many believed in me.So yeah they will cross check now but
had I committed something similar before that belief set in ,
I guess like some others I would have been typecasted too.

But neverthless right now I typecast myself as a hopeless freak and nervous wreck who mulls over
things like a wrong version install to write rant posts like this.

P.S: The movie “I hate love stories” may be just one more has been movie for me, – I watched it on CD so offhandedly and with not much time spent on TV I never listened to the songs actually.
And then I listen to the Sadka song from it while shopping at a mall for nearly an hour , it kind of grew on me as I was there and now its been looping for the last two weeks on my media player. Love the song.

Random Rambles

This should actually be a seperate post. RGV deserves that but I am too lost in my worries (I add my saga to the end),and he put across a opinion which sort of merged into my thoughts I mix it up here.
Ram Gopal varma – have known quite a few fanatics of his. Have seen some of his movies which are too good and some too hilarious.
Seriously Thank god I watched Daud in TV. In theater I dont know how I could have managed.
The music of Dauuuuud… itself felt so hilarious.
But this isnt about his movies really. I did not like him much as a person as his visions seem like he’s still stuck in some crazy
curiosity associated with teenage boys – his potrayal of his leading ladies/his horror fixation.

But I dont know waiting at which place I flipped through which magazine/news wherein I read a interview of his where he said something like this
” If I need to think why would I go to a woman. I would open a book“
Now its not a comment that makes any woman happy , but the guy I thought was being quite honest and I admired that then and that thought stayed with me . Till I saw this tweet by him and again thought.
Well all said and done he just put honestly a very uncomfortable truth.
“The biggest lie is that hard work pays nd ths is mainly propogated by smart non workers who live off the stupid hard workers”

The thought and some other stuff and my life’s bad twists got me started off on reading “fooled by randomness”.
The goings slow but will post on that later.
So well its been terrible time .Its like something which was nothing has snowballed into horrid stuff.

Its actually not as horrible if only , if only I could develop that Take It easy policy.Its a hard hard bargain.Easy to say but tough to live upto .But some of the most idiotic people have that attitude and thats what carries them through.
Actually all managers Ive seen who really want to see you move up gave one simple advice – dont worry about people’s grumbles and mumbles .
I find it unlike others easier to implement it in life – but hard when it relates to work.

I once had a flare up with a team member regarding some work assigned and he mumbled something I got into the – lets clear this up mode and my manager calls me up and explains – come on its ok just ignore.

Similarly a friend who was sort of upset about being labelled too aggressive by a set of people who did not like being questioned
about timelines (esp by a lady)spoke to her senior manager who just smiled and re-iterated the same advice.
Ignore it – its part of the job.
(Heard of someone who happen to know by grapevine as a very bindaas – “I wont work” kind of cool person and
he got into IT’s most hallowed places.You could see the pain it causes to the people
who really passionately go about work. But well as they say high up there what you need is a bindaas take it easy person.
You cant go crazy everytime something crashes. But yeah that news sort of made me feel think a trifle
less of the only company I ever admired(I am not a great fan of big organizations , though been with few and still am).
I always thought – oh what could I do there – (its for the hot shot developers and ultra smart genius game changers and what not – but well times change or our perspectives change)

Now this is all very nice if you have the support – but its a bit hard to take when you are on your own.

Added to that many women simply are worriers – I admit that and give up , we worry way too much.I know it yet its hard to change. Also you think you are cool and over most stuff by now and still at the crunch you just have that pent up emotion.

I have like a soap opera in my head running continuosly – if this is said , this is to be answered . If that then this and what not.
I am never a self help book person – I actually feel beyond help to speak the truth.
but one book I had once bookmarked to check someday was “Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life”

My greatest problem despite all the wonderful advice I have read and know is still the same.
You see a email, you are infuriated , reply reply now.

Forget fury – In any case I have a terrible habit with email – I need to reply and be done with them.
No other way I seem to be at peace.
A huge disadvantage well wishers have advised.
The best successful people are those who as the quote says.
“I love work. I can stare at it for hours”

So I spoiled a whole day in fury , being upset and what not and ringing up people up north and down south to
get a handle on my nerves and stop behaving like the idiot that I inherently seem to be.

I mean what are you supposed to answer when someone arrogantly (OK I exaggerate that chilling calm voice is what I take as arrogance)states as a benefit of working in this place for over 2 years
“Where did you work previously (i.e its some small mid sized place)- here youve worked on blah blah – a big blah“
And I react
” Oh yeah So what ?? the next blah product you ask me to look at – well the manager there will also say
- I gave you the big chance on this blah , Did you ever work on this kind of blah”

I forgot – I forgot big time – that managers are also human beings
and human beings have egos
and a human being who happens to be a manager and Indian usually tends to have a big big ego.
Add to it the calm ones who are polished and nurse the hurts like a wound which does not augur well for little people like me.

And then just when I was trying to soothe myself from all the woes being visited upon me – I had a surprise situation.
A complete blackout. No power no transport and absolutely locked up for a day away from all this.

I thought I would gain some perspective , but I seem to have lost it, dont know why.
I actually have self diagnosed myself as having a problem of inertia.
When I work on onething I find it hard to leave it and do something else.Even if its not my job – even if its not worth from a payoff
perspective. If I find it good enough to get it started I kind of persist on it.
Similarly When I dont work and veer off to movies and books , work seems like a necessary evil and hard to get started on.
This extends to many other things which includes like not looking for a change.
But fortunately or unfortunately – strange circumstances happen – which finally get me moving every couple of the years.
Seems the next cycle has started.

Anyways its great to listen to stuff you pretty much know and actually might have said to them once from friends.
It reaffirms the whole thing again and makes us feel good.Same stuff we repeat to each other when times are bad , but it does help.
Like one freind told me a such stuff – to calm my mood – part of which I sort had once told her in different words though.Nothing new.
“See if I hire a servant from a village, and she looks after my in laws fine and is very helpful to guests but I dont seem to be
her priority I will still complain right. So it happens let it go.”
Then she added her hubby’s wise statements to it.(Ok I let it pass that he’s a manager)
See if your existing servant whom you started off asks for a 30% hike you scowl. She leaves – you hire a new one at 50%.
And those are the facts of the world we live in.”

Actually I previously had a co-worker who for all his faults had a great sense of humor.
He once remarked women are perfect for QA – they have inherent qualities for it.
i.e they find find faults with everything and anything – Nothing seems satisfying enough.

The verdict though has been clean and clear from pretty much my close friends I know.
“You think way too much – what is there to think so much about trying for alternative job.
First try and then you can think – and dont over- react as if your job is in jeopardy (they know the whole issue is simply which
manager gets to suffer me now that I am angry)
You are one hell of a coward deep inside when it comes to yourself – in initiating the change”

Yeah I find it hard to disagree, – but I have my reasons
and at this point they say thats the hard part
“your reasoning is totally flawed but hard to argue with you” -
So I start being a little courageous for myself. After all

“Courage is the fear of being thought a coward. ~Horace Smith”